A-Town Revelation Ruminations—A Vague Post About Being Vague

I’m taking a break from housework and trip prep to sit down and write. Stream of consciousness, not gonna think too hard.

Tomorrow is the kids’ first day of school (Vi – 5^th grade, Ben – kindergarten) and my first day of a 5-day trip to Baltimore for the national conference of Care Net, the umbrella organization for the little nonprofit I now “run” here in A-Town.

That’s one of the most specific, real-life details I’ve offered in my 102 posts on this blog. Although I share true stories of our family life, I do it through a veil of pseudonyms. Sometimes people ask me why. I recently posted a poll asking A-Town readers whether I ought to reveal our true identity—our town and our family. I fully expected to receive a resounding “Yes!”

But I did not. Granted, there were only 24 votes—that’s about half the number of people who visit the blog on a post-day—but of the 2 dozen, only 1 gave a fully affirmative answer to the prospect of A-Town revelation. The majority, 58%, voted that “the mystique adds something to the blog’s appeal.” And 29% said they “don’t think it really matters” one way or the other.

The short answer to “Why Bother?” is that, when I first started to blog, I was working as the primary client services provider at my agency. Other than volunteers and occasionally another staffer, I was the main person meeting 1-on-1 with clients coming to the center. The nature of our work there is private—sex and relationship topics—and sessions with clients can get intense. It’s heavy stuff. And, to be frank, a few of our clients are fairly…unreliable. I mean, some of their life choices would seem to indicate that they are not among the most responsible, trustworthy people on the planet. (My co-workers will laugh at this understatement.) I guess I felt the need to maintain some distance between clients and me. I thought, “I’d rather not make myself and my family easily Google-able.”

Now that I’ve changed roles at work, that concern doesn’t seem so pressing. I am overseeing the center, but not “in the trenches” nearly as often as I used to be. I am doing big-picture planning, background work, and…well, fundraising, mainly. Keeping the place afloat financially. (Or trying. And it is trying in these tight times.) So maybe it’s okay if my family life is more accessible to the masses. (Besides, to tell the truth, some of the shadier characters we serve aren’t likely going online to read blogs about faith and family life.)

Another reason I launched the blog in a vaguely clandestine manner was so that, in theory, I could express my opinions freely without embarrassing my family or my organization. However, in spite of the fact that I don’t use real names, most of my readers know who I am and where I live. And anyway, the pseudonyms have not made me bolder, as I planned they would. I still hold back from baring my soul on these virtual pages, as I suppose I should. Discretion has become a more well-developed part of who I am, and that is good. (Although I wonder if my co-workers will also laugh at that—I think they think I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I do share openly with them, but I hold back a lot, too…really, I do!)

Sometimes like I feel like Maria von Trapp:

Maria: I can’t seem to stop singing wherever I am. And what’s worse, I can’t seem to stop saying things—anything and everything I think and feel.
Mother Abbess: Some people would call that honesty.
Maria: Oh, but it’s terrible, Reverend Mother.

This is why I have never felt at ease as a public relations professional. I’m too frank. Authenticity is too important to me. Which might make my pseudonyms and my caution seem hypocritical. But I’m also increasingly comfortable dwelling among the complexities of life. Most times, talking points don’t get to the point. And I’m afraid I haven’t done that in this post, either. The veil remains.

Image: http://american-city-girls.com/the-lady-with-the-blue-veil/