Running toward redemption

Following up from my last post:



My first pair of kicks looked like this -- they're Saucony Jazz.

I revisited the scene, UB, including a warm-up run around the upper, interior perimeter of Alumni Arena. The lighting took me back those 20 years, where I had laced up my first pair of running shoes, trying to reverse that 30-pound weight gain I told you about! (Does anyone else have a strong “lighting memory”? It’s almost as strong as olfactory recall for me … you know, when particular aromas take you back to times of your youth.)

I really appreciated the cheering sections along the course. Patches of students and volunteers waved handmade signs (e.g., “Run, Run, Run” and “You Got This”), clapped, called out, chanted and even sang to strangers like me who huffed and puffed our way to the finish line. (Note for next year’s Strawberry Race: Recruit cheer-ers and strategically station them at half-mile intervals. Maybe dub them the BE’S — Barnabas Encouragement Squad, in honor of the renowned biblical encourager.)

Barnabas: "Son of Encouragement"

I took a bit of advice I had gleaned from Runner’s World recently and I smiled, thanked and even high-fived many of the volunteers throughout the race. It made the experience more enjoyable, and I think it might have helped me finish faster.

I didn’t finish as fast as I’d hoped to. The first mile took almost 11 minutes. I think it was because of all the people around me, sort of boxing me in. Plus, I’m not a very experienced racer — not currently, anyway. Nevertheless, I made up some time in the second and third miles (passed quite a few other runners in the third) and finished around 30:20-something (will find out chip time later today on the “Score This” website). In future large events, I think I’ll start closer to the front of the pack so I don’t get stuck behind slower-paced runners in the beginning. I also think it’s advantageous to study the course ahead of time — something I didn’t do — so you know when to go all-out in the end. In this race, I wasn’t sure where the finish was, and I held back longer than I could have, otherwise.

I finished 18^th out of 63 women ages 35-39. My dad, who also ran this race, finished second in his age group — woohoo!

I have no pictures from the event, but I was happy to take a picture for a pair of friends who asked me to, just after the race.

Parking lot reunion: No accident

Also after the race: I saw one of my few friends from that awful year at UB. Incredible, isn’t it? Out of 1,320 runners, Dad and I “happened” to be walking out to the truck to leave when I spotted Joe, just a few yards ahead of us — and recognized him, after 20 years. I remember Joe as somebody who noticed; someone who said something; one of the presciently pushy souls who insinuated that maybe all wasn’t right with my world; and who suggested that I didn’t have to live under the thumb of someone else’s will. Joe showed the kind of concern and courage I think it takes to provide a way out. He was one of the first people that year to give me a glimpse of hope and a hint of help, and I am forever grateful.

Running away from warped love

I think it was wilderness explorer John Muir who said, “Every walk in nature bears unexpected delights” … or something like that. (Ha — I Googled it and found I had paraphrased very liberally. The real Muir quotation is: “In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.”)

The same is true with every outdoor run. Today I found a discarded love note and I encountered a pair of love birds — that is: not one, but two Great Blue Herons, which, upon my arrival, began scooping and swooping to elude the intruder of their interlude. What a majestic and memorable sight!

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I’m psyched up for an important race this weekend: The Linda Yalem Safety Run at the University at Buffalo. I spent the most miserable time of my life at UB. That was two decades ago, but the events of that year still follow me. So while I have historically avoided Sunday morning races because they conflict with the traditional Christian worship hour, I felt compelled to register for this race for therapeutic reasons. I’m returning to the site of my misery … in the spirit of redemption.

Darkness — so much night, between the overcast western New York winter and the recurrent bouts of insomnia — swallowed most of my hope in those fear-filled days. Warped love left me dazed and disoriented, unable to object to the oppression or even articulate the predicament to anyone who attempted to ask. I loyally guarded the truth about our relationship as if my life depended on absolute secrecy. Some days, I felt as if it did. Throughout that year I bore and wore the weight of my abuse like a heavy cloak. Forget the “Freshman Fifteen”—I gained 30 pounds first semester!  I felt utterly alone, but I know now I never was. God provided a way out from the clutches of a destructive force so strong that I very nearly lost my sense of self. [There’s much more to be written about this … someday ...]

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. For me and for others who have experienced this albatross in another form, it is also an opportunity to talk about the other DV: Dating Violence. On the eve of October, I will run because I am free. Because I escaped. Because others can escape, too. (I can help! So can you!) And I’ll run for the sake of the person who temporarily overpowered me — for three years, three months and 27 days. Because I believe even the perpetrators of violence are victims of the tyranny of evil. And because I believe that they, too, can be redeemed.

“With God, all things are possible.” — Matthew 19:26

A starting point

Plenty of company

Evidentally, I'm not the only one "eating this book"...

Schoolgirl giddy about taking to the stage

It might well be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever done. And also the most fun.

This Saturday afternoon I make my debut at the Pratt Opera House in Downtown Albion. It’s true! I co-star with Maarit Vaga and Kristina Phillips in a super-silly Gilbert and Sullivan song called “Three Little Maids from School.”

Mind you, all of us are married women, our schoolgirl days long behind us. But our rehearsals have had us twirling, giggling, be-bopping and behaving like ladies half our age, at least. I’m so glad I accepted this preposterous proposal:

“Yes!” I gushed — “I would love to perform in a mini-vaudeville show” (even though I haven’t stepped on a stage since 1992).

“OK!” I eagerly agreed — “I will wear a kimono and a wig and flip-flops with socks” (even though I’m pretty sure I’ll be sweating so much all my make-up will melt off in the first three measures).

“Yum-Yum?! My name is Yum-Yum?! Sure, I’ll play that part,”I promised (and I’ll take no offense at all when my now-British BFF LOLs at me over instant-message and informs me that Yum Yums are a popular brand of doughnuts across the pond).

The very dignified Darryl Smith is our collaborator (aka accompanist).

Come see for yourself: This Saturday, September 22, 2-5 pm —our little show and other fun stuff happening in and around the Pratt Opera House (about the middle of the block just south of the Erie Canal, on the west side of Main Street). Admission is free. The memory will be priceless.

I know I can, I know I can...

Today marks the end of my Eat To Live experiment. It worked! As advertised — a little better, even. The book cover promo proffered : “Lose 20 lbs. or more in 6 weeks.” I lost 22. 

The hardest part about it — well, besides the first four days of intensive caffeine withdrawal, including headaches, nausea and a low-grade fever — was eating only three times per day. I had always been a nosher who felt compelled to consume at tummy’s first rumble. Heck, I didn’t even need a rumble. I often at each and every sign or notion of food … because I was bored, stressed, or “just because.”

The same wise, willowy doc who had attempted to persuade me to change my eating habits in the past tried to tell me all it would take is “a few small changes” to achieve better health and find freedom from gluttony. I did not believe her. And I still think she was wrong. What I needed was a radical overhaul, and Eat To Live has filled that bill.

So, what now? More of the same. I’m won over to this lifestyle. I actually like eating this way. I like the way it makes me feel — less anxious, desperate and helpless; more calm, collected and in control of my dietary destiny.

Actually, I think it was the epiphany I experienced on a jog 22 pounds ago that led me to finally defeat defeatism in my eating life. Remember? I was heading out one Sunday afternoon, reflecting on my feelings of shame for having eaten this, that and the other thing, plus seconds, when my memory jolted me with the Scripture: “[I may be ashamed of my bad eating habits, BUT] I am not ashamed of the gospel because it the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes.” (Romans 1:16)

As I jogged, I reaffirmed my faith and I also thought: Maybe (ha — ya think?!) … maybe this power of God can not only save my soul for eternity but also save my soul from slavery to the sin of gluttony. Yes! Yes, I believe that’s part of the divine plan — save these poor people, here and now and forever! That’s when I decided I could do it, through the power of God working through me. I had/have been underutilizing God’s power for far too long, living a lesser life than I’m meant to enjoy … and not only to enjoy, but also to help others. By taking better care of my own soul, I am better equipped to bless the people around me — primed and ready! I thank God for providing this insight and this “indescribable gift” — a divine sacrifice that empowers us to live abundantly while on earth and live eternally in the hereafter.

That’s how I feel — not just less anxious and more controlled, but empowered! Something I had not thought possible (oh me of little faith) is actually happening! Now I wonder: What else might I be capable of doing through God’s power?! First on my list and the object of my next experiment: Conquering clutter! Cliché, I know, but this is something that has weighed me down for years, and I refuse to cower under its oppressive influence any longer. By next Saturday, I will have completed my next go-to guide, Taking the “U” Out of Clutter (by Mark Brunetz and Carmen Renee Berry), and I will begin another six-week leg on my journey to Yes!

 

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any — lifted from the no
of all nothing — human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

e. e. cummings