How do you spell security?

http://bit.ly/wjpYRa

I’m fond of a movie called Akeelah and the Bee. It’s about an African-American 11-year-old growing up in innercity LA. She’s super-smart but shies away from academic achievement, focusing instead on the seemingly impossible goal of every girl her age: Fitting in. She gets into trouble for truancy. Her punishment is mandatory participation in the school spelling bee. To quote my blog from the other day (in a more positive and less controversial context): “She nailed it.” Without giving away the rest of the story, I’ll tell you that Akeelah discovers she can make friends and good grades. Her epiphany begins with the following admonishment toward greatness, presented to Akeelah by her spelling coach:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?—Marianne Williamson

I like this movie a lot, and I have frequently revisited these words in my mind. But today I decided I just don’t buy it—at least, not in this packaging. I think my deepest fear really is inadequacy, especially as a mother. As a mother who wants to manage the whole juggling act with grace and pluck and above-average creativity…and who falters spectacularly, on a regular basis, I sometimes want to: a) crawl in a hole, or b) bite someone’s head off. I usually settle for a minor rendition of either or both (e.g., take a nap and/or snap at someone…typically, one of my kids).

Full disclosure—the rest of the Williamson quotation goes like this:

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.—MW

I do believe it is our human destiny “to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.” But I don’t believe that glory is simply there, without requesting it, welcoming it, safeguarding its presence, and nurturing its capacity to grow. That’s where I repeatedly fall short. I get hung up on the fact that I am inadequate, in and of myself, to ‘play big and shine brightly.’ I know the comfort and warmth of the hearth, but I too often choose to sit outside in a cold mud puddle.

The message of the gospel, as I understand and embrace it, is that God is eager, willing and waiting to inhabit our hearts and be our adequacy. We don’t have to be “all that”—truth is, we can’t be—but God gladly serves as our security, our strength, and the means through which we can ‘enlighten and liberate others’…or rather, testify to others about the availability and awesomeness of the anecdote for our inadequacy: Jesus, the Christ.

Can I get an A-M-E-N?