Cork Boards & Butt Cheeks: The 8 mm solution

Today I found out that the answer to my problem is an 8 mm.

Ha! No, I’m not getting a gun, I’m getting a lift—a heel lift. My pelvic X-ray revealed an 8 mm discrepancy in leg lengths that’s preventing my psoas muscle from healing. That’s the assessment of my chiropractor, whose opinion I truly respect. I had two questions for her:

1) Will I have to insert this disc-like devise into every pair of shoes I wear for the rest of my life? And,

2) When can I run again?

To which she replied:

1) I don’t know. And,

2) I don’t know. Oh, and,

3) You also have to have a butt lift.

(Say what? But I thought my butt was looking better these days. C’mon, 25 pounds down from a year ago—whadd’ya mean, a butt lift?)

The heel lift will stabilize my stance when I’m standing, but when I am sitting, a thin-ish magazine—about 8 mm thick—tucked beneath my right butt cheek, should do the trick. (I’m paraphrasing. Dr. L somehow made this message sound much more professional. She’s my wordsmith hero.)

So there you have it: Months of frustration, stretching, coddling and cajoling, and the answer boils down to a sliver of corkboard. I hope.