How FAT is too FAT? Every Facebooker’s Dilemma

I started to crack at around 700. I knew this day would come: The day I could no longer bear the virtual weight of keeping up with all the people I have come to know and “befriend” on the social networking site known as “Facebook.” Also sometimes called “Crackbook.” I used to think that nickname was an attempt to joke about how addictive the online community can be. But now I realize that “Crack” refers to the level at which a person can no longer manage her many contacts. I reached my saturation point sometime in the last month. I say “sometime,” because I’m not one of those FB participants who closely monitors her FAT (Friend Accumulation Tally). My husband is a numbers person. He knows his FAT, and he periodically informs me of mine—and not without a fair amount of teasing. He says things like, “Getting a little out of control, don’t ’cha think?” Pretty mean husband, right? But it’s true. Up until this week, my FAT had gotten away from me, and it was starting to affect my psyche. So I’m taking action and trimming down.

Now, one of my dilemmas about Facebook FAT is that I don’t want to offend anyone or burn any bridges to perfectly nice people with whom I don’t mind being associated, but whose day-to-day musings about life (which may or may not be interesting or funny or even true) I don’t really care to know. Some fellow Facebookers negate Friend-ships with zero qualms. If they couldn’t give two hoots about what Fred or Freda Q. is doing on a daily basis, they simply click “Remove from Friends.” Dilemma dissolved.

This week, I began opting for the Friendlier “process of elimination”: The Hide button. It’s not elimination, exactly—not entirely. It’s just elimination from constant line-of-sight. Kind of like de-cluttering at home. In the same spirit as putting infrequently used items on the highest shelves in the darkest cupboards. Yes, you can still access them when you want to, but you won’t want to more than once or twice a year.

It seems terrible to talk of people like this! It’s not that I don’t care about the people themselves, really! It’s just that I possess limited space in my psyche to track other people’s goings-on. And the crux of the Facebook FAT problem is: If I don’t Hide some people, I end up missing the stuff my “peeps” have to say. You know—my “peeps”: the people I’m closest to, emotionally and geographically. It’s a matter of mathematical probability. Of my 700+ FB Friends, I’d guess about one-third (233.3) post status updates at steady-but-unpredictable intervals throughout the day. Some post multiple times daily, some only once or twice a week. Say my 233.3 post-ers offer an average of 3 updates per week, totaling 700, which works out to 100 per day. How frequently would I have to check FB Status Updates in order to read all of them—or even a majority? All these numbers are making my head spin—and so do the number of updates!!!

You can see why I simply had to start Hiding some of them. So I have begun a new game: Hide or Keep? Close friends and family—obviously, Keep. People I see face-to-face on a weekly basis…or at least monthly: Keep. People I have not seen in 18 years or more, who I may not see ever again? Well, that depends. How often do they update, and what are their updates like? Dull, wordy, frequent? Hide. Witty, insightful, twice a week? Keep.

Lest I become too wordy myself, I will end with my best example of a “Keeper,” Andy M. Andy is an acquaintance from college, whom I have not seen in several years. I also knew his wife during college. I genuinely liked them both, but we were not close pals, nor have we stayed in touch, except through Facebook. Andy posts status updates 3-4 times a week. The truth is, I barely know the guy. But Andy keeps things interesting, and thus qualifies as a “Keeper.” I close this post with several recent examples, culminating with his Chai recipe, posted on Wednesday of this week.

Andy M. is grilling in the dark.

(posted on an unusually warm November day, after the time change—thus dark by dinnertime)

Andy M. just threw out a Windows 95 3.5' floppy boot disk.

(hahaha—I’m sure I still have ones even older than that in my attic—good for you, Andy)

Andy M. Good idea: peanut M&M's. Bad idea: brazil nut M&M's.

(hmmm…I’m not sure about this one, but it made me ponder the possibility—a brain teaser, if you will)

Andy M. just figured out why Jay Leno stands on that weird “10.”

(do tell, Andy, do tell)

Andy M. is backing away from the screen. The internet will still be here tomorrow...

(So, so true, and I need to follow suit—Andy M. is a keeper!)

Andy M.’s Chai

(with Andy M.’s attribution to a Julie P. I don’t know at all…or do I? 6 degrees, you know)

2 tea bags, 1 t. cinnamon, 1/2 t. ginger, 1/4 t. allspice: Place stuff in filter and brew with 1 c. water in coffeemaker.

Combine 1 c. milk, 2 T. packed brown sugar, 2 T. French vanilla (or other flavor) liquid coffee creamer and warm in saucepan over medium heat.

Remove from heat and add brewed Chai to saucepan. Serves 2.