Running away from warped love

I think it was wilderness explorer John Muir who said, “Every walk in nature bears unexpected delights” … or something like that. (Ha — I Googled it and found I had paraphrased very liberally. The real Muir quotation is: “In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.”)

The same is true with every outdoor run. Today I found a discarded love note and I encountered a pair of love birds — that is: not one, but two Great Blue Herons, which, upon my arrival, began scooping and swooping to elude the intruder of their interlude. What a majestic and memorable sight!

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I’m psyched up for an important race this weekend: The Linda Yalem Safety Run at the University at Buffalo. I spent the most miserable time of my life at UB. That was two decades ago, but the events of that year still follow me. So while I have historically avoided Sunday morning races because they conflict with the traditional Christian worship hour, I felt compelled to register for this race for therapeutic reasons. I’m returning to the site of my misery … in the spirit of redemption.

Darkness — so much night, between the overcast western New York winter and the recurrent bouts of insomnia — swallowed most of my hope in those fear-filled days. Warped love left me dazed and disoriented, unable to object to the oppression or even articulate the predicament to anyone who attempted to ask. I loyally guarded the truth about our relationship as if my life depended on absolute secrecy. Some days, I felt as if it did. Throughout that year I bore and wore the weight of my abuse like a heavy cloak. Forget the “Freshman Fifteen”—I gained 30 pounds first semester!  I felt utterly alone, but I know now I never was. God provided a way out from the clutches of a destructive force so strong that I very nearly lost my sense of self. [There’s much more to be written about this … someday ...]

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. For me and for others who have experienced this albatross in another form, it is also an opportunity to talk about the other DV: Dating Violence. On the eve of October, I will run because I am free. Because I escaped. Because others can escape, too. (I can help! So can you!) And I’ll run for the sake of the person who temporarily overpowered me — for three years, three months and 27 days. Because I believe even the perpetrators of violence are victims of the tyranny of evil. And because I believe that they, too, can be redeemed.

“With God, all things are possible.” — Matthew 19:26

A starting point